I Want It..Now I Don't...

I have a big problem & maybe you all can help me with it. I have a tendency to buy sweets & then I end up not eating them. Its not that I end up feeling guilty its that I end up not wanting it. A few days ago I was craving something sweet so I had AG pick me up a Hershey's bar well I ended up giving it to him last night. I had it for 2 days before I even thought about wanting it & in the end I didn't anymore. I don't know if this has anything to do with my diabetes or if I just can't make up my mind. I have been known to buy something & find it a few months later having totally forgot about it. I have tried not buy sweet stuff but it never works for very long.



I have to start getting in some movement here exercise wise I need to find something that doesn't aggravate my back & make my sciatic nerve hurt more then it does. If anyone has any ideas let me know. I am now combating insomnia yet again but hopefully since I am back to eating like I should be it will eventually correct itself. I had something else I wanted to talk about but I can't remember what it is hmm I wonder if healthy eating can improve your memory ??

Recoping...

I just realized its been 2 weeks today since I last posted geesh time flies by doesn't it. I had planned on blogging last week but we had some visitors & well I needed time to recoup not from all the fun mind you just from all the drama. AG's parents decided to drive up here this week in their RV & stay awhile. I love when his parents come to visit his family is great to be around but & yes this is a big BUT don't ever bring up weight loss around his mom. Which is why I didn't talk about it the whole time they were here. His mom has had the stomach surgery twice now due to her not being able to deal with her eating & sadly if she keeps going the way she is she is going to need it again.

Whenever anyone talks about wanting to lose weight she will go off on a tangent about how she would be skinnier if it wasn't for AG's dad sabotaging her & by that she means he would bring stuff in the house to put in his lunches for work & even though he would hide it she wouldn't stop looking until she found it finally he just gave up & kept it at work in his desk. She would also wait for him to go to bed at night & eat then go to bed. She has this irritating habit of telling people what they should & shouldn't eat she has even went as far as trying to change people's orders if they are out eating somewhere. But if you even think of questioning what she is having its the beginning of a war & an argument starting with don't tell me or question me about what I am eating.

They eat out alot at home because she won't cook & when AG's dad tries to she starts a fight about how he is making it I will say the man is a damn good cook. I have come to the realization that my stomach can't handle fried foods no matter what it is if its fried it makes my stomach hurt like hell. We finally invested in a George Foreman & OMG I love it makes cooking so much easier. So on the diet front things are going ok I just need to remember to stay on track & get my water in alot more then I have been especially with it being so hot lately. I think that is all for now going to go read & relax.

Time To Pay The Piper...

As I sit here writing this I feel like crap. My sinuses are driving me crazy but that is only a small part of why I feel like crap. I feel like crap due to the fact I have been eating like crap lately. For the past 3 days at least once a day I have been sick to my stomach I honestly think its my body telling me I need to start taking care of myself seriously. I am feeling all sluggish and yucky All the energy & good sleep I was getting when I was eating healthy has been replaced by all day yawns & broken sleep.

I am not sure if I have mentioned this before but I am going to start the Alli weight loss plan here soon I want to wait until I go & do some major grocery shopping so I can have everything I need here when I start. I am thinking about trying tofu the only bad thing I have heard is that it has no taste but I think that is my next new food to try. I am really enjoying cottage cheese alot need to find something else to do with it maybe put it in some salad or something . If any of you ave tried tofu let me know how you liked it or if you didn't heck let me know if you have any recipes I would love to try them.

Some Good Some Bad....

It's been a few days since my last post before I go one I wanted to answer a question from my last post I am 29 I will be 30 in a few months. I am glad that I am not the only person who has felt the way I do. Now to just stop feeling that way one more thing to add to my list . As I was saying its been a few days between posts and well lets just say I haven't been keeping up with the healthy eating as much as I would have liked. I don't get it there are days where I am on a roll with this healthy kick & then along comes a day where it all falls to pieces & I don't know how to stop it.

I seem to be having the same problem I had before I've never been much of a sweets fanatic but since giving up soda its like I need my sweet fix somewhere else lately that fix has come in the form of a Hershey Dark candy bar. So I need to figure this crap out & get my stuff together I need to do this come hell or high water I need to do this. I picked up a few books from the library about weight loss I can't remember the names of them at the moment but I will post about them tomorrow.

I had AG pick up some cottage cheese a few days ago & I as an adult it taste better then it did as a kid. The texture is odd I have to say oddly enough as kid the texture didn't bother me only the taste but now a days its the opposite taste ok texture is weird lol go figure. Everyone says try the one that comes with pineapples well I they didn't have any of that so plain it was & well it was still good. So one more thing to add to my list of healthy things to eat . I am always looking for more good things to add to the list if you guys have an ideas let me know .

Finding The Inside...

I had someone ask me what exactly I meant when I said "finding the inside" in the title of my blog so I figured I would explain here. When I said finding the inside I didn't mean I was looking for a skinny chick dying to get out. I meant I am looking for me fat, skinny. tall or short I am looking for me. I know this may sound dumb to some people but I honestly don't know who I am well I know my name & things like that but I don't know who Amalily is deep down inside. I lost who I was many, many years ago before I ever became overweight

I think I lost myself somewhere in my childhood. I honestly never felt like I belonged in my family if it wasn't for the fact I looked just like my dad I would be out looking for my birth parents lol. All my life for as long as I can remember I have always put myself second always making sure everyone else & everything else was ok I still do the same thing now with people if someone calls and is in a bad mood I deal with them even if I am tired, sick or whatever.

I have been thinking about it lately & I have come to a conclusion. I am not happy mentally(no I am not going to hurt myself), physically or emotionally. I don't think I have been for a long time. The unhappiness is mines & mines alone. One of the small pieces of happiness in my life is AG. For a majority of my life & I mean a huge majority I have dealt with life by faking the happy face. lying when I need to about it & keep moving along. I am not the kind of person to share my feelings with people I keep things bottled up and to myself I guess I feel its easier to not talk about it & keep it bottled up then to talk about it & show emotion. Well that is all for now I have given you all a glimpse inside my head hope you don't get loss trying to find your way out.

Hummus, Tomatoes & Carrots Oh My...

I promised myself when I started eating healthy I would branch out & try new things & I did just that this week. I picked up some Spinach & Feta Hummus the other day along with some Pita bread(I read somewhere you out Hummus on it). Well I did just that & I gotta say there really is no taste to it. I am not going to throw it away cause its still fairly full I am going to look for some recipes to see if any call for hummus to see what else I can do with it if any of you have any ideas let me know. I also picked up some cherry tomatoes & some baby carrots. As a kid I liked tomatoes but as an adult I couldn't stand them but they I decided to give them a try again. I picked up some cherry ones since they are so small you can be done with them fairly quickly. I put them in with a salad I had the other night & I have to say it tasted pretty good. While we are on the topic of salad I know vinaigrette's are better for you then the other dressing but I just can't eat them I don't know if its because I feel like I am eating grease or something but my dressing of choice at this time is Thousand Island.


Of course along with eating healthy you have to drink good stuff. I am loving the Crystal Light to go packets alot I use them even when I am at home too. Earlier this week I came across some drinks that are organic they were only $ 1.00 at the time so I figured why the heck not The company is called Honest Beverages. Now what I am about to say may or may not make sense but I hope it does these drinks aren't nasty but they aren't the best thing I have ever tasted I feel like they are missing some taste. The bottle says a tad sweet I don't know if that does it any justice because I don't really taste anything sweet maybe its just my taste buds or something. I am not going to say I will never drink them again but I may try some of the other flavors they have.

I have only been doing this healthy eating for about a week & a half which probably isn't long enough to see any changes but there is one place I notice a difference. Its in my sleeping I notice I sleep better at night more soundly and longer I don't wake up & have a hard time going back to sleep & when I get up I am not yawning & wanting to crawl back into bed only after a few hours of being up. I guess eating healthy, popping some vitamins & having breakfast does help doesn't it.

The First Week..

Well today marks the end of my 1st week on my diet & I have to say I did pretty good this week I guess the only real sweet thing I had this week was a rice krispy treat. I wanted to avoid calling it bad because honestly they aren't bad for you as long as you have only one occasionally as opposed to eating the whole box in one sitting. I didn't feel guilty about eating it afterward either (I am not sure if that is good or bad). But I had it & moved on I have decided to have a treat now & then now by treat I mean a rice krispy treat or something like popcorn or those 100 calorie packs I don't mean a snack of a whole pint of ice cream in one sitting.

I found the pamphlet the library has about all the Farmer's Markets & when they open I think the one near me will be open soon if not already I want to check out what they have try & support some local farmers. I have never been a fan of tomatoes but I told myself with this diet I am going to try new stuff so I am going to have AG pick up some cherry tomatoes on his way home from work & see if after all these years I have gotten a liking for them I those along with some cucumbers & mushrooms will make a good salad (I love salads).

I fell in love with 2 things in the past week one is Pomegranate Green Tea from Arizona Tea & the other is Chocolate Mousse Style Whips from Yoplait yogurt. I only picked up one just to try it out the texture is a little freaky lol but oh my its so good I will be picking up some more of those & trying out the other flavors & brands of Yoplait yogurt. I will also be checking out more of the Arizona Teas on my list of favorite drinks tea is number one well on the non-alcoholic list anyways lol. So week one went lets see what the next few weeks bring on this journey.