Some Good Some Bad....

It's been a few days since my last post before I go one I wanted to answer a question from my last post I am 29 I will be 30 in a few months. I am glad that I am not the only person who has felt the way I do. Now to just stop feeling that way one more thing to add to my list . As I was saying its been a few days between posts and well lets just say I haven't been keeping up with the healthy eating as much as I would have liked. I don't get it there are days where I am on a roll with this healthy kick & then along comes a day where it all falls to pieces & I don't know how to stop it.

I seem to be having the same problem I had before I've never been much of a sweets fanatic but since giving up soda its like I need my sweet fix somewhere else lately that fix has come in the form of a Hershey Dark candy bar. So I need to figure this crap out & get my stuff together I need to do this come hell or high water I need to do this. I picked up a few books from the library about weight loss I can't remember the names of them at the moment but I will post about them tomorrow.

I had AG pick up some cottage cheese a few days ago & I as an adult it taste better then it did as a kid. The texture is odd I have to say oddly enough as kid the texture didn't bother me only the taste but now a days its the opposite taste ok texture is weird lol go figure. Everyone says try the one that comes with pineapples well I they didn't have any of that so plain it was & well it was still good. So one more thing to add to my list of healthy things to eat . I am always looking for more good things to add to the list if you guys have an ideas let me know .

Finding The Inside...

I had someone ask me what exactly I meant when I said "finding the inside" in the title of my blog so I figured I would explain here. When I said finding the inside I didn't mean I was looking for a skinny chick dying to get out. I meant I am looking for me fat, skinny. tall or short I am looking for me. I know this may sound dumb to some people but I honestly don't know who I am well I know my name & things like that but I don't know who Amalily is deep down inside. I lost who I was many, many years ago before I ever became overweight

I think I lost myself somewhere in my childhood. I honestly never felt like I belonged in my family if it wasn't for the fact I looked just like my dad I would be out looking for my birth parents lol. All my life for as long as I can remember I have always put myself second always making sure everyone else & everything else was ok I still do the same thing now with people if someone calls and is in a bad mood I deal with them even if I am tired, sick or whatever.

I have been thinking about it lately & I have come to a conclusion. I am not happy mentally(no I am not going to hurt myself), physically or emotionally. I don't think I have been for a long time. The unhappiness is mines & mines alone. One of the small pieces of happiness in my life is AG. For a majority of my life & I mean a huge majority I have dealt with life by faking the happy face. lying when I need to about it & keep moving along. I am not the kind of person to share my feelings with people I keep things bottled up and to myself I guess I feel its easier to not talk about it & keep it bottled up then to talk about it & show emotion. Well that is all for now I have given you all a glimpse inside my head hope you don't get loss trying to find your way out.

Hummus, Tomatoes & Carrots Oh My...

I promised myself when I started eating healthy I would branch out & try new things & I did just that this week. I picked up some Spinach & Feta Hummus the other day along with some Pita bread(I read somewhere you out Hummus on it). Well I did just that & I gotta say there really is no taste to it. I am not going to throw it away cause its still fairly full I am going to look for some recipes to see if any call for hummus to see what else I can do with it if any of you have any ideas let me know. I also picked up some cherry tomatoes & some baby carrots. As a kid I liked tomatoes but as an adult I couldn't stand them but they I decided to give them a try again. I picked up some cherry ones since they are so small you can be done with them fairly quickly. I put them in with a salad I had the other night & I have to say it tasted pretty good. While we are on the topic of salad I know vinaigrette's are better for you then the other dressing but I just can't eat them I don't know if its because I feel like I am eating grease or something but my dressing of choice at this time is Thousand Island.


Of course along with eating healthy you have to drink good stuff. I am loving the Crystal Light to go packets alot I use them even when I am at home too. Earlier this week I came across some drinks that are organic they were only $ 1.00 at the time so I figured why the heck not The company is called Honest Beverages. Now what I am about to say may or may not make sense but I hope it does these drinks aren't nasty but they aren't the best thing I have ever tasted I feel like they are missing some taste. The bottle says a tad sweet I don't know if that does it any justice because I don't really taste anything sweet maybe its just my taste buds or something. I am not going to say I will never drink them again but I may try some of the other flavors they have.

I have only been doing this healthy eating for about a week & a half which probably isn't long enough to see any changes but there is one place I notice a difference. Its in my sleeping I notice I sleep better at night more soundly and longer I don't wake up & have a hard time going back to sleep & when I get up I am not yawning & wanting to crawl back into bed only after a few hours of being up. I guess eating healthy, popping some vitamins & having breakfast does help doesn't it.

The First Week..

Well today marks the end of my 1st week on my diet & I have to say I did pretty good this week I guess the only real sweet thing I had this week was a rice krispy treat. I wanted to avoid calling it bad because honestly they aren't bad for you as long as you have only one occasionally as opposed to eating the whole box in one sitting. I didn't feel guilty about eating it afterward either (I am not sure if that is good or bad). But I had it & moved on I have decided to have a treat now & then now by treat I mean a rice krispy treat or something like popcorn or those 100 calorie packs I don't mean a snack of a whole pint of ice cream in one sitting.

I found the pamphlet the library has about all the Farmer's Markets & when they open I think the one near me will be open soon if not already I want to check out what they have try & support some local farmers. I have never been a fan of tomatoes but I told myself with this diet I am going to try new stuff so I am going to have AG pick up some cherry tomatoes on his way home from work & see if after all these years I have gotten a liking for them I those along with some cucumbers & mushrooms will make a good salad (I love salads).

I fell in love with 2 things in the past week one is Pomegranate Green Tea from Arizona Tea & the other is Chocolate Mousse Style Whips from Yoplait yogurt. I only picked up one just to try it out the texture is a little freaky lol but oh my its so good I will be picking up some more of those & trying out the other flavors & brands of Yoplait yogurt. I will also be checking out more of the Arizona Teas on my list of favorite drinks tea is number one well on the non-alcoholic list anyways lol. So week one went lets see what the next few weeks bring on this journey.

Good Start

I started my diet Sunday morning so far so good. AG stopped at the grocery store & picked me up some things I wanted so I can get myself started. I got a bunch of fruit I decided to try some of that Kashi cereal I keep seeing the commericals for on tv. I decided on the Honey Sunshine & have to say its actually pretty good I have that with a cut up banana & some milk for breakfast in the morning. Ok now what I am about to say may sound dumb or maybe everyone else but me knew this. I have been going by the serving size on the box when I eat & I swear when I measured it out it didn't look like much but then it dawned on me it didn't look like much because I was using a fairly big bowl instead of a regular small bowl. I think that is one of my biggest problems even if I use the exactly amount of what I am eating & I put it in a huge bowl I am saying to myself ok that is not going to be enough to fill me up & I end up making myself think I am hungry when I am not.

I have also started taking vitamins & drinking more water. I need to buy a George Foreman grilling machine to use to cook meats & stuff. I am getting really tired of meat but that is a topic for another post anyways, I need to look into some healthy snacks so I can have things other then fruit & nuts I want to find a variety so I don't get bored & want to dive back into the pool of chocolate sugary goodness. If you guys have any ideas I would greatly appreciate any help you can lend me. I also started reading Half-Assed by Jennette Fulda of Pasta Queen & I also just finished The Amazing Adventures of DietGirl by Shauna Reid of The Amazing Adventures Of DietGirl which was an awesome book if you haven't read it I suggest you stop what your doing read it.

A Little Background

I figured I would give you all a glimpse into my life past & present as we head toward the future. I am the youngest of 3 children. I have an older brother & sister. My brother & sister share the same dad I have a different one which I will probably occasionally refer to him as “the jackass”. I mention this for a reason keep on reading. As a child I was always chubby, big boned, whatever you want to call it. My brother & sister were skinny my sister was so skinny she looked like one of those kids you would see on tv in the Sally Struthers feed the children commercials but all that ended once the teens hit.

I wasn’t that lucky I swear if I hadn’t seen my baby pictures from when I was born I would have thought I came out of the womb overweight. A lot of the women on my dad’s side were overweight from what I have seen from the women on my mom’s side they are fairly health. I don’t know for sure if genetic like overweight grandmother & aunts play into I but if so well there is a small piece of the puzzle. For as long as I can remember I hated school well not all of school pretty much just one part of school & that was of course gym not all of gym mind you just where you had the climb the ropes(who the hell came up with that idea I can see if we were in the army for basic training but come on man its gym & we are a bunch of 5th graders) my hated continued on in 6th or 7th grade when it came time for swimming cause ummm hello me in a bathing suit at all (let alone in front of people) was not going to happen sorry pal I don’t think so.

Funny enough I didn’t hate gym in general I loved doing things like badminton, soccer even tennis(those came alone in high school). But granted as much as I liked doing them I still failed gym 2 of the 4 years in high school(yes said I know). I don’t know if it was the changing in front of people or what but I just couldn't’do it. But come senior year when I had to take 2 gym classes that year plus one gym class in night school I had no problem taking gym I still didn’t change in front of people I used the showers if I got their early enough but at night I would just show up in my clothes instead of having to change. I guess I felt ok with having to do it over because I wasn’t alone there were other people the who had also failed gym some fat some skinny, some guys, some girls. In the end I graduated all 200 and some odd pounds of me it was the middle of freaking July & here I am in a gown that fit almost like a sausage casing not quite but it was damn near close let me tell you.
　
　

How Much ??

When we all came to the conclusion that it was time we lost weight the first question most of us asked ourselves was "how much do I need/want to lose" ? In my case to be completely honest I need to lose a hell of alot. I told myself when I started this blog I was going to be completely honest with myself and all of because if I can't be honest then what is the sense of doing this. I am seriously overweight as for how much I actually weigh I don't know I am guessing the end of the 300's probably the beginning of the 400's.

I don't think I want to step on a scale right now I would probably be horrified to see the number & it may end up hurting me more then helping me. So for now I am not stepping on a scale plus I don't have one but I may have to invest in one. I also don't want to become dependent on the scale and end up getting depressed if I don't lose as much weight or as fast as others. My long term goal would be to lose 200 pounds I can live with being 200 pounds & after I hit that I can go from there. For me its not about being pretty or slim & trim for me its about getting healthy not worrying about my high blood pressure & things like that.

I want to live to see 40 hell even 35 I will be 30 here in a few months & I want to be in better shape & alot healthier on my 40th. I want to live to be around to walk down the aisle to marry AG , see my nieces & nephews graduate high school & I want to live long enough to go back to school & get my degree.

Quitting Time...

It is with a heavy heart that I have a confession to make up until yesterday I was drinking soda. I am so pissed off at myself for it. Up until may of last year I had been soda free for 2 years. In may I suffered a huge loss & at the point I really didn't care about myself or my health so I took up drinking soda again(which wasn't a good idea considering I am diabetic).
As the one year anniversary of my loss comes around I decided that it was time to stop drinking soda again once & for all. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be the first time I didn't really have any caffeine withdrawls so if I did it the first time I am sure I can do it again. I actually started yesterday so we will see how this goes.

My biggest worry is finding something to replace the caffeine I am not much of a junkie food sugar fiend but I noticed that when I gave up soda the first time I found myself buying candy & sweets alot. I wouldn't always eat them but I would buy them cause they sounded good at the time. So I need to make sure that the I need sugar doesn't come back this time around because honestly if I gave up soda to lose weight sucking down candy wouldn't really make sure sense now would it ?