Finding The Inside...

I had someone ask me what exactly I meant when I said "finding the inside" in the title of my blog so I figured I would explain here. When I said finding the inside I didn't mean I was looking for a skinny chick dying to get out. I meant I am looking for me fat, skinny. tall or short I am looking for me. I know this may sound dumb to some people but I honestly don't know who I am well I know my name & things like that but I don't know who Amalily is deep down inside. I lost who I was many, many years ago before I ever became overweight

I think I lost myself somewhere in my childhood. I honestly never felt like I belonged in my family if it wasn't for the fact I looked just like my dad I would be out looking for my birth parents lol. All my life for as long as I can remember I have always put myself second always making sure everyone else & everything else was ok I still do the same thing now with people if someone calls and is in a bad mood I deal with them even if I am tired, sick or whatever.

I have been thinking about it lately & I have come to a conclusion. I am not happy mentally(no I am not going to hurt myself), physically or emotionally. I don't think I have been for a long time. The unhappiness is mines & mines alone. One of the small pieces of happiness in my life is AG. For a majority of my life & I mean a huge majority I have dealt with life by faking the happy face. lying when I need to about it & keep moving along. I am not the kind of person to share my feelings with people I keep things bottled up and to myself I guess I feel its easier to not talk about it & keep it bottled up then to talk about it & show emotion. Well that is all for now I have given you all a glimpse inside my head hope you don't get loss trying to find your way out.